By my 15th I had pulled myself out of the isolation and had a good group of friends whom Im still close with today. I used to go to a private school up intill 5th grade and I switched to the public schools when I was 1n 6th grade for a new life, I was hoping to make friends and feel good about my self and it didnt help. I dont know why. Also , on the day my brother graduated from what was then , West Georgia College , I said to my dad that I would love to go to college . Everything was always a laugh, I did tours of northern Ireland kosovo and one of thr first ops out in Afghanistan, I wont lie I witnessed sum horrendous shit that still haunts me now! I know you hate yourself. And you get access to the same level of qualified and experienced professional. Am i hallucinating? people may be assholes, but im pretty much the worst asshole, because i messed myself up on purpose by changing who i was to try to appeal to everyone, and being louder so people would have to listen. In this case, Ive had family issues, but the biggest impact is from 4th grade an every school year to follow after that. I didnt see him for a while and we happened to go to an event at the same time, all the schools in the area were getting pupils to go. I know theres no way to rewind back time and theres no point in wishing that things were different. And its the same thing every day. The book Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice offers a step-by-step program to counter negative thoughts and overcome the inner critic. But is any of it true or the reality of who we really are? Of this stupid-ass feeling. You really do deserve so much better. Today I had a math test, I gave my paper and then waited for everyone else to get out of class. They would scream at each other and throw their hands in the air. I was a bad parent, too, and now my child is having major problems, and its my fault. So Im convinced I can never have a girlfriend. You doubt everything that you would need to fulfil the goals you have in life. Well, time passed, my parents forgive and forgot and i think your parents will be the same, they are too busy working. I care about you. I can see how its affecting me and unable to do anything about it. Ive come to the conclusion hes right. Now for some reason I always see a little troll with elf ears when I look in the mirror, and I cry more easily too. When I read your post I couldnt help but flash onto my brothers insecurities. Funny Yummy . Recently he has scaled up his criticism to include my skin/complexion, my general odour, and my mannerism as a whole. If I were you, I would limit the amount of time you spend around your abusive father. Well I dont care what those people think. Everyday at school is like a raging war of anxiety attacks. but i felt like he was my love. Always telling me and comparing others with myself. Please read my story. I because of all these experiences since childhood and now being 50plus age I dont want them to see my suffering. Perhaps you self-harm or numb the pain with alcohol or drugs. To be honest, I despise him. For no reason i hate, and hate. I also think support groups could be helpful. I wanted to share my feelings wid some one Although I have friends but they r nt of my type so cant share wid em . Unfortunately , my gf has heart disease and were far away , we can only text . He took his kids and left. I cant keep it together much longer. Im so feeling alone and tired of life, I hate myself. Dont allow other people to trivialize your feeling. So basically my dad told me that I was stupid . We receive a commission should you choose to make a purchase after clicking on them. They could remember only that they need to go to meet teacher and i almost not graduated but they cannot remember what i did wrong or even care anymroe about what i did and it just doesnot matter anymore. Every time a dream fades, you see a future that is more and more bleak. I hate this me with a passion! There is also not much I can change. She has anxiety disorder, but still takes AP courses and gets all As, as well as attending an art school on the side and getting good grades in that. The only person that can change how you feel is you. thank you. What To Do When You Hate Yourself: No Nonsense Advice You get angry at yourself for giving up. So if the thought, Im not good at anything comes into your mind, challenge it with the thought, There are many things I could improve upon, but I am better than most people at and then fill in the blank. Something for me to think about. In one place i act like all people do, in another i act polite and careful, in third i act angry. I cant figure out why I still deeply wish for her approval and love. Not even the people closest to me, or my family. The more you do it, the better you will feel. Everyone makes mistakes; that is what those were. Megan Hatch is a former contributor to YourTango who has had bylines on Medium, Buzzfeed, MSN Canada, Patch, Voice of America, Canyon News, and others. The choice is yours. At the time of composing this message, I am 23 years old and I will be 24 this year. This and alot of unmentioned reasons are why I hate myself. He hit me and called me all the names under the sun including the familiar ugly and stupid. I am a very confused person; too indecisive.i feel like im ruining my life its my 12th standard the most crucial year of my life-im going to be giving my med entrance exam . I even dont feel like sharing this to my friends , they always asks me that I look like as if I m suffering from something really bad but I just cant tell them. It keeps making me depressed. I kept joking about everything possible just to not let myself blur out my feelings infront of anyone. I dont know what to do. The next month we where crying for dad. Available in 12 self-patterning colourways, this yarn knits up on 4mm needles to any DK pattern. I moved into a guest house with all the down n outs, heroin addicts, thieves u name it it was thrre until my gran found out n made me move in with her n ma grandad. When he died I lost 98lbs and I gained 24lbs back. Mostly because of these: You have no idea who they are or what they have done in life. Every thought, every decision, every interaction is an anxiety attack. What Is Self-Loathing? Available Colours. Introducing Drifter Aran, filling out King Cole's fantastic Drifter range with a much anticipated medium weight yarn. he was bullied, harassed for being odd, too quiet, never said the right thing, etc. In the breaks I would try to stay inside, maybe even hide to avoid having to hang around in the court yard, where everyone could see that I was alone. By this point wed been together well over a year and I as a typical lovestruck teenager who couldnt or rather see the relationship for what is was. Recognizing and valuing your own right to happiness and the pursuit of that happiness. My dad thinks its cause Im bi, but that really just ticks me off because the way he says it sounds like he thinks thats a good reason to hate myself. King Cole - Arco-ris a Metro. Haberdashery, Sewing & Quilting Accessories. I dont trust people enough to share these feelings with. I was always told as a kid I was nothing and I will always be nothing. colorways. I just try to practise to not hate myself now, too. Even if we are going out with friends, I have to punish and berate myself and hate myself for a good few hours before I go out. Of course, bullying is not confined to the playground. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. I often will just not do things or get up in the morning because I dont want to be an inconvenience or burden people, or even just to have a mildly bad experience or to make a mistake. In no particular order.Society, television, movies, magazines books, social media.you all hear Oh hes so short, I like taller guys Im 56 btw..so how is that supposed to make someone feel? If you They were something the school gave me to make other people satisfied or to make me feel less bad about myself and not a true measure of my worth. You can even make a list. That never happened, but I think it led to a feeling of shame that I never quite let go off. According to clinical hypnotherapist and spiritual life coach Keya Murthy, learning to stop hating on your own isnt an easy act. I want to be the mother others are. At this point i time i had 2 of my little sisters Sophidia Grace and Andre Rene. Well pay special attention to how those things reinforce your feelings and cause your self-esteem and self-worth to spiral downward. 4.6 out of 5 stars 13. He thinks im pretty and personally i dont see it and i feel really bad for rejecting him because hes such a sweet guy but im just not confident enough with myself yet. i will try, but this kind of life has too much burden. she had 2 kids and a husband..i feel like people say why did that piece of sh*t live and she didnt..i dont like to say her name..i dont know why..i didnt contact the family afterthey all hugged me the next day in intensive care..the pain was horrible..im on methadone maintenance and it blocks any narcotic from helpingi thought i would go crazy from the pain and sadness..its 7 yrs later and i still cant get over that..why? It was that summer I got the first and only boyfriend that ever meant anything to me, we were close friends and hed really been the one whod given me back some confidence in myself. I have spent my entire life (well, Im only 17) being put down by others, and bullied by adults and kids (I was born in a bible thumper town, not that theres anything wrong e that) and was basically a door mat, shy, and scared to show people the real me. Thats ridiculous! These articles attempt to list beneficial strategies and maybe they do work, but I lack motivation. just be a simple partner and dad, dont ever be aggressive and smile and help whenever you can. being single . Your feeling is something that you know better than anyone else even those who may have suffered (or are still suffering) in a similar way. My boyfriend was amazing to me when we were together but when we werent I felt like he didnt register my existence. Sadness seems as if its normal in my life. To all the teenagers please do not respond to anyone that says lets exchange emails or numbers PLEASE. Plus my dad not only still emotionally abuses me and my mom, but he used to beat me when I was younger, and so I have six scars on my back from that bast*rd. I got pregnant at 17 and continued to have sex with my childs father, even though he never did ANYTHING for our child. Its one thing to hear that youre not the only one going through emotional tribulation, its another thing to read heartfelt words on a page and know your not alone. That must be soul-crushing. Have you heard the quote Act the way you would like to be and soon you will be the way you act? Well, my hands are smaller. This self-hatred, regardless of where it comes from, is now my burden to bear and blaming my parents or whatever at 40 years old certainly isnt going to help anyone. He didnt care about me or my brother. One thing you can practice is doing lots of nice, altruistic things for other people. I would just like to add that all of you possess a commendable quality!! I want to change, but I cant I dont need pity. I do as much around the house as I can but it rarely feels like enough. And this scares me since for some time in my teenage years Ive been bothered by my older brothers and some other people about my appearence, as if I was not enough. We really do recommend that you seek professional help from one of the therapists at BetterHelp.com as professional therapy can be highly effective in helping to change your mindset and overcome your self-hate. The truth is that self-hatred can be caused by many underlying issues, including not liking how you look, how you act, what your personality is like, or how you sound. Thus, the final step of differentiation involves figuring out your own beliefs, values and ideals. Almost like being by-polar but he says he is not. A Conscious Rethink is owned and operated by Waller Web Works Limited (UK Registered Limited Company 07210604), Copyright A Conscious Rethink.